This one really goes out to the Stay-At-Home Moms… only because we are home all day long (for the most part). Has your husband or significant other ever asked you “what do you do all day?”

Before you start passing judgment, no, my husband did not ask me that (I think he knows better)… but I do get the feeling from talking to my Mommy friends that they don’t seem to fully “get it.”

There seems to be some kind of misconception that we are home all day, so clearly, we have lots of time on our hands. Right?

My husband has been making these “jokes” about how I spend all day on the computer. I think he does it more to light a fire under my ass because he knows how much it pisses me off to hear that. Especially since it’s far from the truth.

So today. I set out to document my day. Hold on to your fuckin horses, there are a lot of photos involved in this post and really, I’m not sure if you’ll be able to keep up.

C usually wakes up around 6, 5 if she’s feelin’ frisky. But today she spared me and woke up at 7. I tried to keep her in bed by amusing her with Elmo’s World, but that shit didn’t work. And since my loving husband showed her how to get down from our bed herself- forget it. She’s out and ready to start the day. So, up I get.

We head out into the living room and I look around, sigh, and try to figure out where to start. Now, the house is not a wreck, but when you know that you are going to attempt to clean the WHOLE thing- you’ve got your work cut out for you. Especially with an 11 month old who won’t let you breathe without her permission.

I decide to tackle the kitchen first. Now, I must say that I am not good at sticking to one task at-a-time. I usually get sidetracked and start working on something else completely until I remember that I never finished the first thing that I was working on. I choose the kitchen, though, because I can make her breakfast, feed her and clean it up at the same time. So, I proceed to make her porridge. While I am doing that, I put on my pot of coffee and wash up the dishes. C entertains herself by pulling all of the kitchen utensils out of the drawer and throwing them on the floor. *Note to self, wash ALL of those utensils that are now on the floor.* I feed C, sip on my coffee and decide to head out to the living area- there are toys there and hopefully they can keep her occupied long enough for her to allow me to sweep and mop.

So she may give me about 5 minutes of this- her entertaining herself before she’s over it and SO curious about what I’m doing or where I am.

So during this time I sweep. Around her little ABC mat, on the mat (she likes to eat there) and the entire living room and entryway.

While I am sweeping, C decides that she’s over playing in her play area and wants to venture out into the greater living room. What does she go for? Her activity center, which my husband ever-so-gently tucked away into a corner next to the fireplace. Why? Well our cable wire is hanging under there and he thought if he put her activity center there, she couldn’t go for the cable wire and try to pull it out of the wall. I don’t need to tell you how well that plan worked.

Anywho, she doesn’t like to sit in her activity center- Nooo she likes to climb on the sides and let it rock. She also likes to go underneath it and sit there- she usually gets stuck under there and cries. Well today I got sick of seeing the activity center rock to and fro- knowing that at any second she could tip it over and fall flat on her head on the tile. Um… no thank you. So:

me being the mean Mommy that I am, I took that bad boy up and put it behind the safety gate. Yeah, she was not happy.

So, she found something else to do: stare out the patio door at the dog. She LOVES to do this. So I thought “sweet,” I can mop the floor while she looks to see what the stupid dog is doing. So, I grab my Shark Steam Mop and start mopping away.

Oh what is that C? You want to help Mommy mop? No thanks, I’m all set. Oh yes, please. Pick up the cord for the Steam Mop and shake it all about- are we doing the Hokey Pokey?

I mop the entryway, I mop the play area, I even use the steam mop on her little ABC foam mat. You know why? She spills things on there and they leave little black marks… well the steam mop cleans that all up.

Then I decide, heck, while I’m deep cleaning- why not take up the rug, sweep under that and mop too? So of course the first thing she does is go over to the rug to touch it. “Hurry up” I say to myself “before the damn rug falls and knocks her in her head…” I assure you, the rug did not fall- and so all is well with the world! While I was sweeping that area, something told me to check under the sofa for goodies. Um yeah, that would be 1 sippy cup and 1 bottle Alex. Depending on how disgustingly old that milk was in the bottle, it would have to go straight to the trash can: Do not pass Go, do not collect $100.

Thankfully, it wasn’t moldy, just stinky- so into the sink it went for a good soaking.

I go in the kitchen to empty the dustpan and soak the stinky bottle and there she is, right on my trail. Making weird noises that I guess she thinks is crying, but I know is just fake random “pay attention to me” noises that she likes to make.

She finds her play area again and decides this time to pull the ABC mat apart… whatever floats your boat honey, as long as it keeps you quiet. I can put it back together at anytime. I know my ABC’s… I think.

Oh yeah, the bathroom rugs are in the washing machine, I should probably put them in the dryer. Here she comes… investigating the “one day I’m gonna have a garage sale and when I do this is the stuff that I’m going to sell” pile o’ crap.

“Ohh lookie here, Mommy left the door open…” “I’ll just help by pulling the rugs out for her!”

After I avert that crisis (of her throwing my clean rugs on the floor). Back into the house we go.

What time is it?

Isn’t she tired yet?

What the fudge?!

Uhh no, Cadence, please get off of the fireplace. I HATE when you climb up there. It’s not safe.

No, no, NO!!! Please stop trying to pull the garland down off of the fireplace. Ugh! This is exactly why the Christmas tree is in the kitchen.

Feed the fish, feed the dog.

“Oh lookie here. It’s Mommy’s water bottle.” Wait, what’s that? Is it… RUUUUuun!!

“Puh-lease pick me up!! I don’t want to see that!”

What could bring her such terror you wonder? Duh-duh-duuuuuh: **gasp** The Vacuum!!

So basically, I have to hold her in my arms and vacuum. Great fun, quite the workout too.

So thanks to the vacuum she’s in a pretty foul mood. It’s after 11. I’m running on coffee and she’s cranky. Ugh. This is not going to end well at all.

Time out to check the diaper, comb her hair (shocker, huh? I know you all think I never comb her hair) and feed her.

There is the proof that her hair was combed today.
Thank you- please hold your applause.

Since I was in her room, the scatter-brain in me decides to clean up in there. C was SUCH a big help. She emptied all of the contents of her diaper bag on the floor… now if I was smart I would learn to keep the zipper closed so she can’t do that anymore… but I can be a little slow on the uptake. Hopefully, though, I’ve learned my lesson!

I had to walk past the bathroom to get back to the kitchen. So what the hell, might as well clean up in there- this should only take a few minutes. Wipe down the toilet and counters with Clorox wipes- check. Clean out the tub -che… uhh, NO CADENCE don’t touch that! **sigh** (Note to self: Please remember that she has a long reach- put everything waaay far back from the edge) Clean out the sink- check.

While I am cleaning out the sink, she decides to pull her ducky tub out of the big girl tub  and then tries to sit in it while it’s on an angle . Yeah… she fell right out of there.

NEXT!!!

It’s 12:20 pm- do you know where your children are?
Mine is wide awake and ready to eat.

Don’t judge me based on what I feed her…

Moving on.

She starts to look a little tired. So I try, yet again to put her down to sleep and… JACK-FUCKING-POT!!

I’m so excited, I don’t even know what to do first. I consult my planner which contains my list of things to do daily (more about that another time) and I decide to finish in the kitchen.

First thing’s first, dump all of C’s toys into the sanitizer…. do this until all of her toys have been cleaned.

SO I’m washing the dishes and think- Okay, I vowed to try and stop complaining about my days so what’s one good thing that’s happened today?

Well, I thank God for allowing me to see another day with my family- that’s huge. Right?

Then I think, when this day is over, what can I say that I did for myself? (cough, cough- nothing) This is when I choose to work out- this is something that I am doing for me and I will NOT skip a day. Plus, who knows how long I have left in C’s nap. So, workout it is.

Once that’s over and I realize she’s still sleeping I decide to go around and empty all of the trash in the house: both bathrooms & our bedroom.

Back to our bedroom… I turn/flip the mattress (on my list to do today), make the bed, clean off the ironing board (which was becoming a junk pile), clean off the counters/sink area and oh! C’s awake…. It’s after 2. She gave me a good hour plus.

Bring her into the bedroom with me, sweep, NO GET OUT OF THE TOILET!!!

I get the steam mop, bring it in the room, plug it in and wait for it to heat up… once it starts releasing steam. C shouts “hot, hot, hot!!!” Soo funny. Probably the cutest part of today. I always tell her not to touch the steam mop b/c it’s hot. So now when she sees it “hot, hot, hot.”

Somewhere in the midst of my temporary insanity I decide to give the dog a bath. A) Because he smells like shit and B) I’d like to vacuum and febreeze our bedroom carpet. If I do that and a smelly ass dog lays on it, I’m going to be PISSED.

Good thing I already cleaned the guest bathroom. K, let me pick up the rug, remove ALL of C’s toys from the tub and give this dude a bath.

He was fairly good and C was just in awe. She’d never seen him get a bath before. (For so many reasons- including that he doesn’t get bathed as often as he should).

And just for cuteness sakes, here she is trying to give the dog kisses while he gets clean:

K, dog is done. Dry him off, take him out back to brush him off with the deshedding tool. THIS TAKES 100 YEARS. For a short-haired dog, he sheds more than I don’t know what.

Shit, it’s after 3. I need to go to the post office, but most importantly I promised Hubby I would go to the pharmacy and pick up his meds.

I. Promised.

Okay, if I leave by 4, I should be able to get there and get back in time to let him in. (My husband doesn’t feel the need to travel with his house keys)

Febreeze sofa cushions and pillows.

Clean guest bedroom.

Shred papers.

4 o’clock, still haven’t eaten… Running on nothing but Mommy juice now.

Maybe I’ll stop by Subway after I get Hubby’s prescription.

Hop in the car, go to the pharmacy and wait… and wait…

Fuckin small towns- only damn pharmacy in town with 80 people behind there, but only 1 person helping people with pick-ups. Great. There goes my Subway.

What the hell… is that cramps I’m feeling?

Son of a-!$#@*&! I would get my period today.

Oh, what’s that pharmacist, you only have 3 out of the 30 tablets my husband needs and I’ll have to come back on Monday? Oh great… thanks!

K, hurry, hurry. Hubby gets off of work at 4:30, give or take 15 minutes to get home… I have time. Maybe I’ll drive through McDonald’s and… Ohh look at all of the cars in the Drive-Thru.

NEXT!

Headed home, stop at the post-office and it’s empty. Thank You God.

Back in the car…. driving. Oh thank you Lord for that green light. Thank you for allowing me to turn left and YAY!!! (Big sigh of relief) Hubby is just now pulling up as I arrive.

Suh-weet!

It’s 11 pm… I’m writing this blog post. I ate 2 Taco Supremes today and had 2 glasses of wine.

I haven’t showered, or brushed my teeth (headed to do that now, I promise).

Tomorrow is Saturday, so I get to tackle this beast again on Monday.

What did you do today?

Come on…don’t copy- get your own material. Nobody likes a cheater! Original & Hand Written Plagiarism Will Be Detected. This site is being monitored by CopyGator. Mmkay? Thanks.