No disrespect to these women. I can’t imagine what it would be like to not know who the father of your child is and what kind of courage it takes to come on national television and let everyone know that you don’t know who your child’s father is. In my mind it’s all about their child- they want the father to step up, be a man and be a part of their child’s life- that’s why they do it (right?).
I worry about our youth, though, with books being written like Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss and So Sexy So Soon, are the younger generations being over-sexualized? Or has it always been like this, but it’s just becoming more noticeable because of the larger amount of children being involved in so-called “wreckless behavior.”
Newsflash: I lost my virginity when I was a few days away from being 16. And I think I was one of the last of my friends at the time to “lose it.” To a boy that was my boyfriend for over a year and like the asshole and dirt on the bottom of my shoe that he turned out to be- he didn’t want to be my boyfriend anymore after that. Dickhead. But I did it because I wanted to- no pressure from him or anyone else. I “loved” him and thought we’d grow up and get married and make babies. LOL
Anyway, I don’t really remember what it felt like, if it was “good” I mean- it was what it was. Is that how your first time is supposed to be? I don’t know.
I saw a re-run of the Tyra show a few weeks ago with teens and tweens talking about sex. One 15 year old girl said she’d had sex with eight boys already- that’s more sexual partners that I’ve had in my whole life! Tyra asked her if she thought eight was a lot and she said no. What?! So casual.
What I also found interesting was that there was a young boy on there with his mom. He said he is a virgin because his mom has big dreams for him- but he lies and tells his friends that he’s having sex to fit in because they are all saying they are having sex. He said he had lots of questions like: what does it feel like when you “put it in” and what it felt like to have an orgasm and how do you put on a condom, etc…
I don’t think I ever thought sex was casual, regardless of how my friends and I spoke about it.
Why?
My family was always open about sex, a few of the “messages” I heard were:
- Always use a condom.
- If you EVER come in this house pregnant I’m gonna kick your ass.
- Don’t ever let a man try to put his penis in your mouth (Yup, my parents were pretty open with us).
- It is your body and don’t make anyone tell you what to do with it.
- Keep your legs closed.
- and I could go on…
In 2010 when sex sells and Danica Patrick is almost always in tight pants or a bikini or talking about her beaver to advertise for GoDaddy.com (I don’t get it) or Audrina Patridge is practically molesting a burger in a Carl’s Jr. commercial- how do we tell our kids (not just our daughters) that it’s okay to keep your clothes on and own your body?
I’ve always lived by the personal belief that this is my body, I am in control and I won’t be coerced by a sexy smile or the illusion of what might be in those jeans. It was and still is not easy to get me in bed- I was the Queen of hard-to-get, look… but don’t touch.
What do we do, though?
Should we be 100% honest and upfront with our kids? Answer any and all questions they have about sex and warn them on the dangers of what can happen?
And what age is the appropriate age to start talking to your kids about sex? Especially when girls are having babies younger and younger- 12 year olds shouldn’t be having babies y’all… where did her childhood go?
I would love for Cadence to wait until she’s married, but I don’t want to lie to her about my past- like I said my parents were always honest with me.
There are plenty of celebrities who do outwardly preach their abstinence- The Jonas Brothers are famous for it, My boy Tim Tebow is a virgin and according to Google, so is Miley Cyrus.
Do you think seeing people they look up to waiting is what will encourage them to wait?
Is it their faith? We are Christian and our plan is to raise Cadence in the church. Will her faith be enough to make her want to wait?
And again, this isn’t about our daughters- of course there’s a double-standard at times with girls and boys and sex- but if we ever have a son, I’d want him to wait too. I want him to respect females, their bodies and respect himself and his body. It’s not about how many girls he’s slept with or getting girls to give him head (I have a lot of male friends). I think that girls may find him even more sexy and appealing because he is a virgin- there’s mystery there.
I could go on and on.
What are your thoughts on this?
Do you have tweens/teens? What kind of things are you telling them about sex? their bodies? self-love/self-respect?
What kind of morals and family values are you hoping you are instilling in your kids?
Did you wait? Is it your hope that your kids wait?
What about tv/radio/movies/print? Do you think that there’s an over-sexualization now? Do you think we have always been sexualized, but people are just now taking notice?
Chime in.
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While Christianity is a good thing, one has to be careful. Why? There are many people who preach Christianity but their actions are not representative of their beliefs. Parenting begins at home and it is incumbent on the parent to educate their child/children about the many pitfalls associated with sex. Sex should never be taken lightly. When I was a child my parents or the adults around whom I grew never discussed sex. It was considered taboo. That did no good anyway because I got my first child when I was 16. I told myself that this would never happen to my children and therefore I was always open about sex with my children. I never lied to them about the implications of sex and I always let them know that some individuals would go to any length to “score” including lying to make you feel better better about “the act”. Sex is a wonderful thing but it should never be taken lightly. One should always maintain one’s self esteem and respect. At the end of the day one should feel good about one’s self. Anything that lends itself to the feeling that one has been degraded is never good. ALWAYS let your children understand the ramifications of sex. ALWAYS let them understand that is a matter of personal choice. ALWAYS let your children know that there is NO need to give in to peer pressure. ALWAYS let your children know that it is not right just because your friends are doing it. ALWAYS be open and receptive to your children and ALWAYS be a vessel into which they can pour their problems this way “SEX” will never be taboo because your children will always know that they have a forum that they can turn to when they need to discuss the pros and cons of sex. (A bit lengthy – sorry)
I see this ALL the time at the high school level and it is SOO sad! My parents never talked to me about sex. They did build me up enough to know it was my body and my business. I didn’t wait until marriage, but I feel good about it. I only had sex with two different people. The first was after a LONG time into the relationship and we thought we would get married. the second guy was my husband. before we were married, but so what? I had LOTS of boyfriends, but none that I felt comfortable giving myself to. In my own way, my body was the only thing I had control over. It was mine. I wasn’t going to just let any frat boy have it. I think the big thing is teaching our kids to have respect for themselves. My husband was the same way. He didn’t pressure girls because he respected them and himself too much.
Ok this got long. respect. that is what it boils down to. Aretha sang it…and it was good.
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