I am having a “whoa is me” moment.

I’m home.

Alone.

I should be psyched. I have the week off from work, but really, I’m thinking about all of the shit I need to do.

These things include:

Make lesson plans for math for the next 3 units for my team members.

Go into work to clean my messy ass classroom.

Oh, do report cards since I don’t now the exact date they are due.

Get ready to do DRA’s when I get back.

Pay insurance. Pay credit card. Pay daycare. Pay rent.

Bathe dog.

Bathe myself.

Wash hair.

Get hair re-done.

Call and make sure the girl who does my hair can actually do it this week.

Go to Walmart to put food in the house since we’ve been gone for a week.

Post reviews for site. Try to get more reviews so my site doesn’t drown and die.

**Sigh**

So I know they say you should be grateful for what you have cause someone always has it worse. I know that. I’ve been to Africa and India- I’ve seen the hungry and homeless men, women and children.

But should I live my life thinking about them and acting happy all day everyday? I do think about them often, when I am counting my blessings. But today, I wanna bitch.

Being a grown-up sucks donkey balls.

Yeah, I said it.

For one, I’m sick of fuckin owing people money. I mean damn it. Light, Gas, rent, car note, insurance, daycare, credit cards- what the FUCK?!

I asked my husband if he could do it all again would he do our wedding differently and he said no.

Pshhh. Silly man. I would.

I would elope.

Hell fuckin yea. And when Baby C gets older, if she wants to elope, I’d let her. Send me fuckin pictures and Mommy will put a fat check in your bank account.

We spent Ten FUCKING thousand dollars on a wedding that didn’t even turn out how we planned. Shoulda been a garden wedding, we got married in a hallway. Why? Cause mother-fuckin-nature hit and a tropical storm flooded the damn streets of the Tampa Bay Area. The reception was awesome and went off without a glitch. So I’d keep the reception even and scratch the ceremony- we coulda did that at the damn courthouse. Here we are three years later still paying for a day that’s only in photo books now. Dust-covered photo books, mind you.

So that’s where our credit card bills come from.

And I wanted to get a job so bad to contribute to the household. Now it’s like- where the fuck does my paycheck go?I had to buy a car to get to my new job, so there’s a second car note and a second car insurance to pay. Argh.

Baby C had to go to daycare since I’m at work. So there’s $520 a month. And she gets no vacation or sick days at this daycare, but because it’s SO well priced (other daycares are $180+ up to $200+ a week), I can’t even complain or try to find another daycare for her. And she’s learning a lot, we see the change in her at home, so really- can I complain? No.

And? Remember that miscarriage I had? Just got a damn bill from the shitty ass Antelope Valley Hospital in California for $250 fuck you very much. One more bill I have to pay. But, I have to prioritize, so they’ll have to wait for that $250.

I love working. I love teaching. I love my job. And I’m proud of what I did at home with Baby C those 18 months. She’s not even two years old and she knows all of her letters and what sounds they make. She knows what sounds a cow, cat, dog, bear, lion, duck and pig make and can identify them in photos. I mean, my kid’s pretty smart. (If I may say so myself)

I know I am blessed. Life is good. Could things be better? Yes. But I know, things could be way worse.

I’m not a complete miserable mess.

I promise.

But misery loves fuckin company- ya know? And I know I’m not the only person who steps back and says “what the fuck is happening here?” Isn’t that a part of being reflective? Taking in the good (I have a home, a husband an awesome daughter, a car, food in my fridge, clothes on my back and a job in these hard economic times) and the bad (I’m kinda broke despite having a job and at the end of last paycheck had -$4 in my account)?

You can bitch too. Lay it on me. What’s your gripe today?

/End Rant.

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