Oh you read correctly.
I am going there.
Close this now if you can’t take the heat.
But ladies, what the FUCK?!
Why do we have the pleasure of not only bleeding from our vaginas once a month and pushing human life out of a small ass hole, but hold the possibility of having yeast infections and (for some of us) thanks to child birth- hemorrhoids? What is that?
Don’t talk to me about Pandora’s box or Adam & Eve and the woman’s curse/plight cause who told Adam’s dumb ass to eat the apple?
Nobody! When the fuck do men ever listen to their wives anyway?
So he was an idiot.
I recently told my husband that once a month, men’s balls should just burn like nobody’s fuckin business, maybe then they will get a taste of what we go through with monthly cycles, childbirth, yeast infections and other things that just seem to happen to us without control.
What the fuck is a yeast infection anyway? I’m not gonna bake anything in my crotch. And do I look like I wanna put some white creamy shit for 1, 3, or goodness forbid 7 days? Oh cause I don’t, it wasn’t on my list of things to do.
And while I’m talking about putting things in places, why is the cure for stuff like that the insertion of stuff?
For hemorrhoids you get to stick some Vaseline-like goop in your ass. Seriously? Who thought of this stuff?
I was blessed with hemorrhoids in my third trimester with Pea and they love me so much they like to show their faces from time-to-time. And when the over-the-counter stuff doesn’t work? You have to go see your doctor. Why? I don’t know.
I pay $25 to go to the doctor, have him stick his finger in my ass and go “oh yeah, those are hemorrhoids, here’s a prescrip for your steriod.” Really doc? Good job. I needed you to stick your finger in my ass for $25 to tell me something that I already knew- why couldn’t he just call in the prescription? If I wanted to be sodomized by a finger, which I don’t, I could ask my husband- he’d do it for free.
Moving on. My point? Is what do men get that is as uncomfortable and (for some) embarrassing as hemorrhoids and yeast infections?
What? Like jock itch?
Men scratch their balls anyway, so if you had jock itch who would know? Women can’t just walk around scratching their vag… yeah, that’s not socially acceptable.
Oh and having both a yeast infection and hemorrhoids at the same time?
Your front and back doors are all fucked up. You’re closed for business and a fuckin’ itchy, burning mess.
It’s really just some bullshit.
And I’m done.
If you think, wow- this girl is crazy. I just wanna say that I put this question out on Twitter:
and I received a number of responses telling me to write about both/all, my favorite of those being:
So true Trish. Like hemorrhoids, friends can be a pain in the ass.
I’ll blog about friends another day.
Come on…don’t copy- get your own material. Nobody likes a cheater! Original & Hand Written Plagiarism Will Be Detected. This site is being monitored by CopyGator. Mmkay? Thanks.