I was on the interstate, which… some days I take it and some days I don’t.
I look up and I see some dude standing on an overpass above the interstate and I think “What the fuck…? What’s this dude doing?”
I promise it was by the grace of God that I knew that turd was gonna do something stupid.
He reaches into his black backpack and takes out a plastic bottle which he then proceeds to drop down into traffic on the interstate.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
And whose car was in the way? Mine!
I take a super quick look over my left shoulder, swerve into the left lane and quickly swerve back into my fuckin lane so I don’t get hit by all the ppl coming at me at 75+ miles an hour.
That was all I could think.
What the hell?
Who does that?
(And really the answer is lots of dipwads… I’ve heard so many news stories about people dropping shit onto the interstate from an overpass- including bricks)
And then I’m like what if I didn’t see him? What if I didn’t swerve in time and…
Cue inner dialogue:
That fuckin bottle clipped my car.
Did this mofo just dent my car?
My new (to me) beautiful, I’m so in love with it car?
Now I’m mad.
Cause I swear if I get outta this car at work and there’s a dent I am going to flip!
I’m calling Chris. Cause this is some bullshit right here.
I coulda fuckin died.
I coulda had my windshield cracked and dammit I just paid for a new fuckin windshield.
And seriously? Who the FUCK DOES THAT?!?!
**End Inner Dialogue**
I call my husband and he’s all like “honey, you need to call the cops.”
And tell them what babe? That a white man in a black jacket with a black backpack who was walking on the overpass dropped a bottle down to the interstate? They aren’t gonna find this dude.
“Well, sure they could babe, especially if he’s still out there walking around”
Honey, it was right by downtown. There’s probably hundreds of people walking around. And seriously? White man? Black jacket? There’s 800 million (totally exaggerating) white men in Colorado- they are not gonna find this dude.
“Did you know that one time in Omaha some kids dropped a brick from an overpass onto the interstate and they killed someone and got arrested?”
Right. I’m alive (thank God) and I think the cops will laugh at me thinking I’m sending them on some wild goose chase for a white dude in a black coat.
“Sorry babe. I’m glad you’re okay. Did it hit the car? What kind of bottle was it?”
Hell. Fuckin. Yes. It hit my car and if I have a dent?!?! Mothafucka!
It was a plastic bottle. Stupid asshole. Why would he do that?!?
And this went on for about 10 minutes until he calmed me down enough to go to work.
Moral of the story? Don’t drop shit from the overpass onto the internet.
Cause only douchebags do that.
And I hate douchebags.
/End Rant… Carry on with your day.
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