I’ve been really feelin’ the pressure this year of being a mom to a toddler, pregnant woman, wife and a teacher.
Shit is rough, yo.
And just to solidify that I’m not actually going effin insane. Two teacher friends of mine confirmed that on Facebook.
Now, I have undergone some major changes at work this year. I’m in a new school district and a new school. That means new procedures, rules, technology, different progress monitoring requirements, different types of parents, etc. This district is very demanding in a different way than my other district was demanding. And really, I think it’s just because I’m new. I’m sure next year (or at least I hope) I won’t feel like I’m drowning.
Oh, and let’s not forget the new Common Core Curriculum that all but 3 states have adopted. You know what this means? Lots of professional development training, lots of re-configuring and discussions about “what works” and how to “make things fit” with said new curriculum.
But now?
At the end of my pregnancy rope. When my body has completely given in to the pregnancy and everything below my growing belly hurts. When report cards are due (which I submitted on time- woot!) and parent-teacher conferences are this coming week.
Not to mention, I am leaving notes for my long-term sub. I pulled out a blank spiral notebook and just started writing stuff. I then realized? That I am extremely anal. I am leaving a list of my pet-peeves so she knows what I’m looking for when I return.
For example:
- if she’s going to give out my take it to your seat centers during small group reading & writing, I need her to stress to the children that they need to check the floor for itty bitty center pieces when they are done. It took me for-ever to make said centers (because I’m too cheap to spend my measly $100 classroom budget on them) and I’d like to not have to re-make any or stop using them because they are missing pieces.
- I am territorial about the books in my classroom library. I built those books up either with my own money or Scholastic Book Club points. The kids cannot take those books home. They are to stay in the classroom and if they can’t treat them well (i.e. no bending pages/covers or tearing pages/covers) then they lose their classroom library privileges.
- I like things in order. So I hope she knows how to keep my teacher’s manuals and blackline masters worksheets in order. When I inherited this classroom, it was a hot mess and I had to reorganize all of the worksheets so that I could find things easily. This is not something that I want to do again.
- I need her to keep up with grading and do it in the same manner that I do because when I come back, I’m going to have to do report cards and I don’t want to have to decipher her grading style.
I realized this week how hard it is going to be to relinquish power of my classroom to someone else. My last long term sub (when I was pregnant with Pea) was amazing. I had worked with him when my other teammate was out pregnant, so I knew that he knew exactly what he was doing and how to be a team player. I don’t know this woman and it makes me nervous. I told my fears to Facebook. Other teacher friends concurred. Which, again, solidified the fact that I am not losing my mind- even though it seems like I am.
It’s hard work taking care of over 20 kids during the day and the paperwork that comes along with that. Then to turn around and be 100% for your own child, who is in the midst of her “I’m going to ask you questions that I already know the answer to cause I feel like it” phase, be present for your husband and still find time for yourself. Oh, and sleep. It’s always nice to sleep (I don’t do that often).
I see lots of my teacher-mommy (and daddy) friends feeling that exhaustion too. Is it just this school year? Or is it always like this and I just didn’t realize it til now?
I could go on all night about this, but I won’t.
I do want to leave you with this post ever-so aptly titled “The Exhaustion of the American Teacher.”
My friend Katie posted it just as I was typing this.
Um? Yes.
It’s not just teachers that are parents that are overwhelmed and tired. I need to make sure I say that.
All teachers (that I know of) are exhausted, overwhelmed, doing so much but yet still not doing enough.
And? Underpaid.
I don’t care what anyone says.
And I digress.
Come on…don’t copy- get your own material. Nobody likes a cheater! Original & Hand Written Plagiarism Will Be Detected. This site is being monitored by CopyGator. Mmkay? Thanks.
Sometimes I think. I could do one of the two jobs at any given time. I can either do the paperwork and data collection involved in teaching, or I can plan and teach my kiddos. But I can’t do both. At least within the time I am expected to work. I shouldn’t have to work or be expected to hold meetings beyond my contracted hours (without pay), I shouldn’t have to worry about getting all that paperwork done, and I shouldn’t feel so burnt out from parenting my students all days long that I have ZERO energy to parent my own son at the end of the school day. I don’t want to be a paperworker, or a behavior specialist, or a therapist, or a counselor, or a punching bag. I want to be a teacher.
Yes. The expectations greatly exceed our capacity to do it in a timely fashion. I really believe that. I have two RTI referrals in my backpack that I need to fill out and drop off today. I have been holding on to said referrals for over a week. Why? Because other things come up and I have to choose which is more important to do first at work. Those other things won. And A-men to the not having energy for my own child. Chris and I had a talk about that the other night… how I don’t really spend as much time with Pea one-on-one as I should be. Mostly because I’m tired as fuck. But, it’s something that I’m working on, so…
This is my struggle… I was very fortunate to have one amazing long term sub for my second daughter and a nightmare for my first…it does make a huge difference because no matter what anyone says about how much you will love your little man and how your time will be devoted to him, you still have to be the one to come back and pick up the pieces of a classroom when your 6- or 8- or 12- weeks of bliss (or more if you are lucky) are over.
I love your post because it is so true… and as teachers we have so much paperwork and data and sometimes I think it just clouds the planning quality instruction for some (not us- at our alma mater they taught us well. I know, because I just finished paying for all that knowledge).
Either way, I have this commitment to being a good mom and a good teacher and a good wife. Therefore, I have given up being an exemplary housekeeper. Something had to give! Enjoy Pea and little man and do your thing… your children and your students are lucky to have you.
Haha. I’ve given up being an exemplary house cleaner as well. Thank God my husband is a clean freak, so he picks up the slack. I think I’ve also given up being an exceptional chef. Many, many days I just don’t want to cook.
My sub started shadowing today and it seems like she’s going to do well, though I worry about her ability to keep up with the pace of my school. We’ll see.
Love your raw, honest, gritty and no-nonsense take on issues we all deal with as parents and educators! You’ve been on the long-term sub ride before, so you know, for the most part, what to expect. I’ve had to do the same a couple of times the past few years for injury issue and I can tell you that I hated it, but to stress about it daily was just not worth it! I am like you in that I was INCREDIBLY territorial about my stuff. You’re right that in today’s fiscal conditions, it is not easy (or cheap) to build/scrap together/beg nice materials for an outstanding classroom. Unfortunately, one of my long term subs was on the completely opposite side of the spectrum from me and I came back to a completely changed room and my stuff, gone. That sucked!
Now since Holly and I have some years on you and Chris, I can tell you that the balance of being a teacher all day and a totally engaged parent is HARD! You have also encountered fellow teachers that just simply let one side of that equation suffer but for Type A’s like us, that just won’t do. That being said, be prepared for the unavoidable let-downs every now and then when something slips – it will happen, nobody is perfect. The best we can do is to give all you can, but please remember, no matter how much we love our students and/or our job, our families always must come first!
Enjoy the ride!
Thanks, Coach. I have tried my best til this point made sure that my family has come first. I know Chris will tell you that there are nights when schoolwork takes over, but he is really good at reminding me/rerouting me back to family. If you and Holly can do it, I know that we can do it too.
SO much boom in this post.
Also? Soon you will forget your classroom and be completely memorized by your new guy. And then you’ll think about it like 24 hours before you have to go back. But that new guy? Oh man will he be worth it!
Katie´s last [type] ..Project 365 {week 40}