What’s wrong with his face? 

That is the question that I hear 9 times out of 10 when people meet C.J. for the first time.

You see, C.J. has eczema and to be honest we kind of expected him to. Pea has eczema and we have family members . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Living with Eczema]]>

What’s wrong with his face? 

That is the question that I hear 9 times out of 10 when people meet C.J. for the first time.

You see, C.J. has eczema and to be honest we kind of expected him to. Pea has eczema and we have family members on both sides that have had it at some point.

Pea’s eczema is very controllable. She rarely has flare-ups and when she does her topical ointment clears it right up. C.J. is not that fortunate. His eczema is not easily controlled at all.

I’m really writing about this because I want to say out loud that it’s not a big deal that he has eczema. We’re okay with it, my husband and I. While it is technically classified as a “disease,” lucky for you, it’s not contagious so you won’t catch it. And more importantly, nothing is wrong with my son.

Okay, enough snark. Seriously I know that people mean well when they ask me about his face. I just think the wording throws me off because I don’t want him to grow up thinking that something is wrong with him.

Some days, his beautiful skin is smooth and clear and some days, its as if his skin is shouting at us. There is redness and bumps and swelling and at times drainage (which I wrongly referred to as pus and was corrected by his doctor). It is scratchy and I cut his nails ’til my face turns blue and he still manages to draw blood when he scratches his face. Putting those infant gloves on doesn’t help because then he’s just rubbing cotton against his skin, which can still leave it raw.

When it is raw, his skin is red, it looks like an open wound and it drains fluid. While it is healing the skin can get yellow and dry, then crack and peel off and according to the doctors as it heals it burns and scratches. Which he then scratches and rips the skin off…so, really it’s a vicious cycle.

He’s also susceptible to bacterial or viral infections when he scratches it and he’s had one round of antibiotics. We don’t want him to have antibiotics all of the time, so I put breastmilk on it from time to time and his new doctor says it’s just something he’ll have to deal with and unless he gets really, really sick – his body will fight it off.

His cheeks are eternally red/pink- on good days and on bad days.

We have tried every eczema product that we could find, but no relief has come. Oatmeal bath soaks, aloe vera, baking soda paste- no, no, no. I’ve tried adding a probiotic and Vitamin D drops to his diet because according to a naturalist (anti-medicine, all natural folks) that would help- no. Look, he’s just got it bad and according to the doctors (we’ve seen 2) the altitude does not help. One doctor said “you wanna get some relief? Move to a place where there is humidity.”

Okay, yes. Let me do that right now.

We have asked about scarring and always told that the likelihood of scarring is almost zero, but still. Even if it does scar, I don’t want him to have low self-esteem or think less of himself or think he’s not handsome or or or…

All because maybe people will keep asking him what’s wrong with him.

You know who else people think something’s wrong with?

Me.

I get asked if it is something that I have eaten and maybe I should change my diet because “did you know that eczema is dietary?” Yes and did you know that eczema is hereditary? I could only drink water for the rest of the time I’m nursing and he’d still have eczema. His grandpa has it, his uncle had it, cousin had it- and I could go on. Both sides of his family tree. People. Have. Eczema. And asthma and allergies, so.. yeah. Thank you for the advice, though.

More specifically he has Atopic Dermatitis and according to the National Eczema Association, “Atopic dermatitis was included in the atopy category because it often affects people who either suffer from asthma and/or hay fever or have family members who do; but now have been genetically connected.” So in plain English, it’s hereditary.

I don’t care about the eczema. I care about how uncomfortable he is and the fact that he’s not old enough to know not to scratch it. I care that his face keeps opening up and draining over and over. It’s annoying, but this is life with eczema. So I just continue to educate myself and learn to deal with it because really, things could be worse.

The National Eczema Association has a plethora of good information on their website and their Facebook page is great too. They have doctors and current people living with eczema posting some great tips.

We’ve got a topical ointment that works well for the rest of his body that I try to use only when he has a flare-up. I use coconut oil on his chubby little legs, behind his ears and I put it on the skin inside because his poor little ears scratch SO bad and he rubs and rubs and rubs his ears and they bleed on the inside from too much rubbing/scratching.

I use Cerave after trying every moisturizer on the planet earth. It is expensive as all get out, but it works. It’s not too heavy and it seems to be moisturizing his skin well. His forehead used to be extremely dry and flaky and now it’s not. I moisturize him at every diaper change and if I look at him and think about it- we lube up. The more moisturizer, the better for him.

If and when I use cleansers during a bath I use Dove sensitive skin and/or Cetaphil body cleanser. I try not to use any cleanser unless necessary.

Most kids grow out of eczema and some people have it into adulthood.

My kid has eczema. So what?

As my good friend Jill would say: “It is what it is.”

It’s no one’s fault. Not his, not mine, not the food being eaten.

This is the hand we were dealt and so we deal with it.

One day at-a-time we’re learning how to live with eczema.

Look at that face- he’s just perfect. Inside and out.

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Well, I’m busy relaxing and doing lots of nothing with the kids.

C.J. started crawling today.

Pea is busy singing and dancing her little heart away all over the house.

The husband has been off of work because a really busy season is about . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: The Start of Summer]]> School’s out. I should be blogging more, right?

Well, I’m busy relaxing and doing lots of nothing with the kids.

C.J. started crawling today.

Pea is busy singing and dancing her little heart away all over the house.

The husband has been off of work because a really busy season is about to start for him next week… and we’ve been doing family stuff.

And it’s been great.

So. Yeah. Happy Summer.

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Every day is an adventure for Mike the Knight!

I got the chance to review a Mike the Knight DVD from NCircle Entertainment. Go enter to win!

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I thought “shit, she’s so damn organized,” which she is and I’m so… whatever.

My . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: What Schedule?]]> On Saturday I met up with my girlfriends for lunch and my friend Jessica asked if we could meet a bit earlier so that her daughter, who is 7 months, could stay home and take her nap.

I thought “shit, she’s so damn organized,” which she is and I’m so… whatever.

My kids are not on a schedule. Of any kind.

Pea is on a semi-schedule now.

She’s an absolute night owl and is not the best sleeper and she has never been since birth. We tried that whole “put her on a schedule” thing when she was born and it didn’t work. So for my own sanity, I just decided to be a go with the flow mom. I had quit my job and was at home with her, so I could totally do that.

C.J. is on a schedule, but not because of me. He’s on a schedule because the women at daycare are Jedi masters of infants and get them to sleep at certain times.

At night, though, it’s just a free-for-all.

We get home and I have 8 million billion things that I need to do. So I set him down to play with his sister and get to it.

Sometimes, he takes an afternoon nap round 5 or so. Sometimes not.

Usually he gets fussy round 7 ish and is ready for bed. I try to keep him up as late as I can with hopes that it will help him to “sleep longer,” but no… that shit don’t work.

At night? It’s a shitshow. I’m an on demand feeder. Mostly because

fortheloveofGodIneedyoutostopcryingsothatIcansleepsinceIneedtowakeupsuperearlyinthemorningforwork

Go ahead.

Judge me.

I don’t give a shit.

Yes. I stick a boob in my son’s mouth at 2 am to get him to shut up.

There. I said it.

Fuck you, very much.

On a good night, he’ll only wake up twice for a feeding.

I try to let him cry a bit to self-soothe and shush him if that doesn’t work and rock him and hold him close and blah blah blah.

And then I feed him.

Cause dammit he’s 21 pounds and he’s fuckin hungry.

Some nights, like last night, I won’t feed him because I know he’s not hungry. He just wants to say Dada, Dada 2 million times at 3 am and I’m okay with that.

Some nights, when I’m overly tired. I’m not as welcoming to the thought. Those are the nights that I wish I had the presence of mind to try to put my kid on a schedule when he was born.

But I didn’t.

And you know, it is what it is.

When he falls asleep in the car? I sit in the car til he wakes up.

I try to prioritize things in my life and him being on a schedule? Isn’t a priority. Mostly because I don’t have anywhere pressing to be or to do. Shit gets done when it gets done.

I applaud Jessica, though, she ‘s got all her ducks in a row and I wish sometimes that could be me.

How bout you? Are your (were your) kids on a schedule or no?

Cause I failed at that

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I thought it’d be a good way for me to communicate with her and give it to her when she’s older. I thought it would be a nice parting gift for college, but with the way technology is moving, she’ll . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Emailing Memories]]> I made an email address for Pea right before C.J. was born.

I thought it’d be a good way for me to communicate with her and give it to her when she’s older. I thought it would be a nice parting gift for college, but with the way technology is moving, she’ll probably need an email address in elementary school (the 5th graders in my school all have one because they use iPads). So, when I actually give her the password to the email address is still up in the air.

I usually send her pictures or videos. I may email her about a rough day she had or a great day she had. Whatever. I just want to drop little tidbits of her as a child for her to see when she’s older. I know it will give her some laughs. And because I’m not always good at orally communicating things, I thought it’d be a great way for me to pour my heart out to my little girl.

I emailed her again this morning, this is what it said:

Dear Cadence,

You drive me crazy- you know that?

I mean absolutely bonkers.

You are so independent. You want to do everything yourself and for the love of God you don’t listen very well! To me or your father.

But, you can be such an amazing little helper.

This morning, while I was washing the dishes you sat on the floor with your brother and played so nicely with him. Sometimes, you can be rough with him. I’m not sure that you understand that he is just a little 6 month old baby and can be hurt very easily.

But not today. Today, you sat with him and played with him and talked to him.

You are so great with him like that.

You read books to him. You “show him” how to use all of his toys. You try to teach him how to crawl and how to roll over… you even put on your “mommy voice,” which is extremely high-pitched. (I didn’t know that I sounded like that when I talk to him) But it’s cute. You’re mothering him.

And you are an amazing big sister. I can’t wait to see how your bond with him only gets stronger as you both get older.

You drive me crazy, you know. And I love you for it.

- Mommy

What memories are you leaving for your kids?

Do you write letters/blog/email?

I’d love to hear about it.

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Go read my review here and enter to win for yourself. 

On another note, enter to win a 1-year’s supply of Soft Scrub and $1,000.

Boom.

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I mean, I make myself feel a **little** better because I buy . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: Working Mommy Woes: Starting Solids]]> I have had this post in my drafts folder for a while. I’ve been trying to figure out how to convey my feelings about starting solid foods… About how I feel guilty for not making C.J.’s baby food like I made Pea’s.

I mean, I make myself feel a **little** better because I buy him organic pureed baby food. When I made Pea’s baby food I shopped at Trader Joe’s, bought all organic stuff then steamed, smushed and packaged it myself.

Then, I was feelin’ all guilty because I kinda wanted to do self-led weaning with C.J. but a) I’m too much of a punk to give him shit that he may/may not choke on and then b) I’d feel guilty because if he did choke it would be my fault.

But then, I had an epiphany today as I was feeding C.J. his sweet potatoes.

We don’t really eat vegetables.

Go ahead, start wagging your finger and talking shit about me now… but we don’t. When we do eat veggies, we eat corn, carrots and broccoli.

Anyway, I was thinking that buying purees at least guarantees that he will be exposed to a wide variety of foods. Peas, squash- all things we don’t eat.

Pea eats blueberries because I used to puree them for her- I hate blueberries, but she loves them.

The other part of my epiphany, was that I was a stay-at-home mom when I pureed the mess out of Pea’s foods.

I’m not saying working moms can’t make their own purees. I’m saying this working mom with two jobs can’t make her own purees.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Seriously.

Companies make baby food for this exact reason.

I buy organic (once again, cause it makes my Mommy heart feel less guilty). I read the labels. And I feed my 20 pound turkey err… baby.

I have been giving him some of our chicken when we eat it and I give him massive apple slices to gum on (no, he doesn’t have teeth yet. GOD help us all the teething is a biatch)

I’ve been very cautious because of his eczema (which I keep meaning to blog about, butI may end up writing a book if I do that).

School’s out for summer in 10 days. Then I can focus on feeding him less mush and more food.

This post may have been pointless, but I needed to get it out of my head.

I need to stop holding myself to these ridiculous standards where I think that I need to do x,y and z or else I feel like I’m slackin’ on my mommy duties.

Clearly, I’m still working on the balance in my mind between working woman and mommy.

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It just bees like that.

And so, you take what you can get.

I don’t remember it being this difficult to pump at work the last time around. But at the same time, I was working at a private school and so . . . → Click Here To Read The Full Blog Post: 1,000 Ounces]]> Sometimes, you only get 8 minutes to pump at work.

It just bees like that.

And so, you take what you can get.

I don’t remember it being this difficult to pump at work the last time around. But at the same time, I was working at a private school and so things were a bit more flexible.

Public school is very fast-paced and busy and not necessarily conducive to pumping with all of the meetings we need to be at. I find that it is very easy to lose your plan time or part of your lunch due to some “super important, you must be here or else” meeting. This also means that I lose part of my pumping time.

Now, I have had many people say “legally they have to…” Yes, legally, there are many things that they have to do- like provide me with a space to pump that’s not a bathroom or closet and provide me with time to pump. The problem is, when you work in a school- every man/woman is accounted for. It is extremely hard to find someone who is just lying around doing nothing that can cover your class while you pump.

Also, I think it is essential to choose your battles. Yes, I want to pump milk for my boy, but do I want to bring in words like “legally?” Because legally, they do not have to renew your contract as a teacher. They do not have to give you a reason why they let you go or anything. When the end of the school year rolls around they can just say “thank you for your time and good luck.” I think when you start stirring the pot over various things like pumping and start saying things like “legal” and “human resources” you can be let go. No principal wants a pot stirrer (at least none of the principals I’ve had to date).

So, I pump when I can. Usually on my lunch and my plan time (if I do not have a meeting during my plan time).

(I’m actually trying to type this as I pump, with 5 minutes left in my break)

It is not unusual to find me sitting at my desk with my double-pump bra contraption on trying to pump and do something work-related. Lately, though, with the end of the year winding down and so many meetings happening, I have been missing my second round of pumping.

And that’s when problems set in.

I don’t get engorged or anything like that (thank God), but I do find myself short of the amount of milk that I need for C.J. the next day. I wanna show you something.

 Why, yes, that is exactly what you think it is.

It is one thousand ounces of breastmilk

1-0-0-0

I’ll give you a minute to soak that all in.

Yea… my freezer? Has 27 ounces in it.  I feel a little bit of jealousy when I look at this freezer.

I’m not jealous that she has so many ounces of milk tucked away. Really I’m jealous that she can find the time to pump milk at all.

(By the way, it belongs to a friend of mine from college and she’s awesome.)

Today? I pumped 9 ounces during my lunch break, but when I went to pump during my plan time? I got 2 ounces.

It could be that I always feel rushed to pump because I can’t be late to pick up  my kids.

It could be that I try to multi-task and get work done while I pump and so I’m distracted… the reasons are endless.

Teachers don’t have time. Or I don’t have time.

My evenings look like this:

• When the bell rings at 3:30, it is about 2 hours since my last pump.
• I make sure all of my kids get into their respective cars
• Wait for Pea to be dropped off at my school
• Pack up
• Go get C.J. from daycare
• Get home, start washing dirty bottles
• Start filling up the next day’s bottles
• Get Pea a snack
• Start dinner
• Feed C.J. (If it’s time, which usually it’s not because they feed him around 3:30ish)
• Let the dog out
• Look at the obnoxious pile of papers I have to drink
• Look at the freelance writing I have to do
• Die a little inside

You get the point.

I want so bad to have time to pump. I aspire to pump more. Most nights when sports are in session, Chris won’t get home til after 6 pm, maybe 7. There are just so many things to do in the evening, that if I get a pumping session in I am lucky.

I pump day-to-day.

I need to pump for tomorrow, today and if I only get 11 ounces at work, I am screwed because C.J. is drinking 3 bottles with 5 ounces each in it.

Even worse? Days when I miss a pumping session and only have enough milk for 1 bottle at the end of the day.

Then I am up late at night pumping after he is in bed or trying to pump in the morning before work.

I know, that I can find time to pump but it is hard and really, I’d like to sit in a chair and relax after a long day and not have to think about anything.

I want 1,000 ounces in my freezer.

Shit, I want 100 ounces in my freezer.

I want to open the freezer in the morning, take out 3 bags and sent it to daycare and not have to worry about doing anything.

I am proud of myself for growing a 20 pound baby on my milk alone, but breastfeeding is a thankless task.

Breastfeeding is time consuming.

Breastfeeding is far from selfish.

I don’t have a **plan** for how long I’ll breastfeed him. I guess I’ve made it this far. But the rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off at work trying to be at meetings, make copies, do this, do that and find time to pump has left me exhausted.

I want 1,000 ounces so that if I plan to still be breastfeeding him when school starts back up in August, I’m not trying to balance crazy amounts of beginning of the school year tasks with pumping.

I want 1,000 ounces so that if I wanna go out and drink with my homegirls I’m not all like “okay, it’s been 2 1/2 hours, I need to go home to feed my baby.” Even though, let me tell you how much that is a savior when you’re somewhere and you’re ready to leave. “Oh, look at the time… I need to go feed C.J. sorry.”

I want 1,000 ounces so that at 2 am I can be like “babe, that’s all you, the bottle warmer’s on the counter.”

I just want more milk y’all.

Maybe not 1,000 ounces.

But, maybe yes 1,000 ounces.

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