A Bittersweet Existence » hubby humor

You Know You’re From Brooklyn If…

Dawana — Fri, 07 May 2010 15:07:19 +0000

Me: “Eww honey, quick, come look at this life-sized dead bug on the porch.”

Hubby: (comes to see said life sized bug)

Me: “See? What is it? Damn desert bugs”

Hubby: (pushing said bug with the broom) “Uhh honey, it’s a cricket.”

Me: “A cricket?!? NOOooo”

Hubby: “Yes, see?”

Me: “Oh. Well… I’ve never seen one before. I thought crickets were green?”

Hubby: “The green ones are grasshoppers honey.”

Me: “Oh……. You can tell I’m from Brooklyn- never seen a damn cricket.”

Hubby: “Ya’ll don’t have any grass there.”

Me: **gasp** “Excuse me… yes we do!”

The Culprit!
(Image taken from Jimmy Requa)

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That’s How We Roll

Dawana — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 02:31:31 +0000

So Hubby and I are at Tar-ghetto (as he so affectionately calls it) and we are picking up some finger paint & paper for the little one. We see an awesome bean bag chair and decided to buy that also because she is ALWAYS sitting on the dog’s bed and we want to see if she gets her own round, soft thing to sit on if she’ll stay OFF of the smelly dog bed.

Nuff said.

So, we get to check out and the cashier says “$15.57″ just as I am about to swipe my card, pay and head for the door, Hubby says:

“How much is it?” (I repeat the price to him)

“How?” (“I don’t know” I say)

“All that stuff?…” (I say nothing and I swipe my card)

The cashier hands us the receipt and we head for the door. I take a look at the receipt and notice it only has three items on it: fingerpaint, paper and a tee shirt. I look at Hubby and say- “She didn’t charge us for the beanbag… but I saw her scan it… what do I do?”

Let’s pause for a minute

In all honesty, if this was say… five years ago, I may have kept walking and said “oh well, her bad”

BUT

It’s 2010 and I’m a Mom with a conscious and so we walk back to the register, wait our turn in line and kindly tell the teeny-bopper that she didn’t charge us for the beanbag. She then shouts to the manager “My scanner hasn’t been working properly all. day.” to which the manager shouts back “move to register four!!” She thanked us over and over again for coming back and I basically said: “I don’t want to be a thief or anything. Plus if I took this beanbag Karma would totally bite me in the ass and something bad will happen to me down the line and it’ll be like see- remember that time you stole that beanbag?” (Cause yeah… that’s the kind of luck this family has)

I look at Hubby as we walk out of Target and say- “See honey? We are good people.” (To which he says “yup”) And I just say “that’s how this family rolls…”

Hopefully the Big Man Upstairs was saying “well done good & faithful servant…”

What would you have done?

“His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.”

~ Matthew 25:21

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Hubby Humor: Kirkland Brand

Dawana — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 17:25:56 +0000

Now remember, I said before that Chris has these rules about grocery shopping and there are some things you “can’t skimp on.” On our last trip to Costco…

Me: “Oh look, honey, you can get Kirkland brand fabric softener sheets for waay less- and it’s a two-pack.”

Hubby: “Ehhh”

Me: (Hearing the apprehension) “But look how many sheets we’d get for the price.”

Hubby: “We can either get Kirkland brand dryer sheets and name brand laundry detergent OR Kirkland brand laundry detergent and name brand dryer sheets. You can’t get Kirkland AND Kirkland for both, so take your pick.”

Ahh yes. I love his rationale.

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Hubby Humor: Pity Party

Dawana — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 17:10:54 +0000

My husband is a very funny man, or at least he thinks he is. Sometimes he says things that I just feel the need to share, thus what I call “Hubby Humor.” I hope you find him as entertaining as he finds himself.

After a long day of listening to me bitch and moan, this is the interaction we had right before we went to bed:

Hubby: “You can stop your pity party at any time.”

Me: “No, I’m allowed to have a pity party whenever I want.”

Hubby: “You’re right.”

Me: “And you have to listen to it.”

Hubby: (Laughs)

Me: “That’s your job.”

Hubby: (Laughs again) “Okay”

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